Waking Up to the Rain

Today was absolutely wonderful.

My parents came to visit me and it was so so so so nice to see them. I didn't get to sleep until really late, so I was a little groggy at first. I had my phone in my hand after I woke up at first at like...6AM. They called around 11 annnd...it was happy ecstatic time.

Saw my Dad first thing, then Mom.

There was a surprise waiting for me in the backseat :D

:D

:D

:DDDDD


IT WAS JOIIIII!!!!! AGHGHGJHGsikfjskldfjsklfjasklfj
God, that honestly made my day. I was so freakin...agh. I don't even know. It was such a relief to have the people that I love come see me.
My last weekend with the Blaise was amazing.
And this one made me feel all good inside too :)

I recognize how badly I miss home, but these really rejuvenate me, and I feel like I can make it through another week.




The sun was trying to make it out today. Sure, it failed. But it's the thought that counts.

The Fear You Won't Fall...

Digging a hole
And the walls are caving in
Behind me
Airs getting thin
But I'm trying
I'm breathing in,
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before,
It hasn't felt like home for you,
And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,
I know you're scared,
That I'll soon be over it,
That's part of it all,
Part of the beauty,
Of falling in love with you,
Is the fear that you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home for you
And I know it's easy to say
But it's harder to feel this way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than,
Was better than
And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,
Can't get my mind off of you,
And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,
And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way

Love is such a wonderful feeling. Blaise makes me see everything that was wrong in my last relationship...I'm so glad he came to visit.
No, not college related but I kinda wanted to share a little bit of my happiness :)

On the Outside Looking In

So, here I am.
I'm in York motherfucking Pennsylvania.
Where there is absolutely nothing to do o__o;

I can't say that I haven't been enjoying myself. I'm grateful that I've made some friends, including my roommate. I don't party, because honestly I don't trust anyone. Classes have started, and I think I'm going to do pretty well. Sure, some are a bit intimidating *cough* academic writing*cough*, but otherwise it's okay.
I miss home terribly, I miss my family so badly. I was finally able to cry after getting off the phone with them. I think the shock has finally passed. Also, I am seriously ACHING to see my legit real friends. JESUS. I MISS YOU!!! I hope you all miss me too...D:
Anddd then there is Blaise.

-Side story: I have found that I am more faithful to Blaise than I ever thought possible. I don't even SEE these guys that are trying so hard. Like, this one dude. He knows I have a boyfriend yet he's still pressing. It's really unattrative, I don't like it. I'm so terribly infatuated with my boyfriend, nothing changes that. I'm not naive about it either. It would be TOO easy for me to cheat on him and keep it a secret, but I would never do that. I'm incredibly happy with him, and this long distance thing is SO inconsequential. He's coming up to see me this weekend, I'm so elated about that fact. I'm getting a little piece of home, and finally affection will be there apart of my life. I miss it. I miss him.

No one gets my fucking jokes.
No one hugs me.
Honestly, they do not necessarily understand me either.
I feel like a stranger still, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I'm trying to give everyone a chance, but I'm starting to wear myself thin. I've never been an excessively social person, and recently I see myself as someone I do not recognize. Being this "friendly"(faaaake.fake.fake.fake) is sickening. I don't know what I was really expecting, to be honest. After being in a school where everyone was family, this environment is so strange. Everrrrybody is the SAME. And it's all about getting drunk and or high. I don't know, I used to be accustomed to it. Everyone I USED to associate with did so many drugs I couldn't even count, but after 4 years at BMAC, it's kind of shocking.
And did I mention that everyone is the same??
ZOMG HOLLISTER GAIZ!
NERRRGH.

But, then again I'm overgeneralizing, like I said, I'm meeting some cool people...for the most part.

Oh well, I'm trying not to get to down about it. I really want to enjoy this experiance, but yesterday night I was just miserable. I'm trying to get past it though...

*heavy sigh*

Easily Crushed

I'm scared, in fact I am terrified.
The days until I leave are daunting, and it's freaking me out man! I started the "packing" process and I've been trying to avoid it for weeks. My subconcious is wondering where we are going, and why we're putting all our shit into boxes.

It's a mixed feeling of anticipation, anxiety, and that sick sick feeling of leaving everything behind. I'm happy, but in some ways I'm not to be leaving.

It worries me to think that the relationships that I have, that mean more than the world to me, will deteriote.
How will I survive classes??
And exactly why did I think I was talented enough to take a film photography class .___. Ugggh...that's making me nervousss....

I need film.

Move in is in two more days...that panic attack is comin on strong